mckendall.net

We all get spam, and it can certainly be annoying to sift through it on a daily basis. While I don’t have a solution for minimizing spam, I do have my take on actual spam subject lines that I’ve received over time. What would it be like if I ran these little schemes? Enjoy!

Update Your Penis

For several years, men across this great country of ours have been reinvigorating their love lives by taking erectile dysfunction drugs. But this is the new millennium, and there’s no need for taking a daily pill when you want to romance your lover. That’s ancient history! Now, with the new Penis 2.0 upgrade, you can simply update your member with this new firmware and never have to worry about that archaic 1.0 penis that you were saddled with at birth.

Want A Beautiful Brazilian Body In 30 Days?

Using our new web-based search tool and patented abduction technology, you can have a beautiful Brazilian body in just 30 days. That’s right. With our 30-day guarantee, we’ll have that Brazilian body you’ve secretly sought after shipped to your door in 1 month’s time. It’s all hassle free. So stop stalking that foreign exchange student next door and get online now!

Millionaire Test (Millionaire Match-Up)

In today’s arena of online match-making, we’ve seen a new need arise. Wealthy, industrious entrepreneurs find that they lack companionship and would like to meet young people such as yourself. At the same time, we’ve found twenty-somethings in dead-end jobs who would appreciate the friendship that the financially elite can offer. With our 10 minute millionaire test, we can pair you with the millionaire of your dreams. The comfort and lifestyle you so deserve can be yours in a matter of days. Do you have flexible morals? Are you disease-free and willing to submit to random blood tests? Can you blur the lines between gender roles or take another life for sport? It’s just that easy. So what are you waiting for? Get out of that rut you’re in and meet your match today!

Pretty Toes Can Be Yours

Is the movie Silence of the Lambs no longer meeting your special needs? Has the dream of a Jeffrey Dahmer advice column faded away? Do your many attempts at creating a Foot Fetish Support Group continue to get shut down by the local community center? Fear not, podiatric perverts! You, too, can have pretty toes that don’t have to be your own. Well, they’ll be yours soon enough when the postman brings our trademarked black & blue box with the red ribbon filled with your choice of 10 sparkling toes. Where do the toes come from? Don’t you worry about that. Let us do all that heavy thinking. Just know that you’ll get a quality product with little to no effort. Call today!